


four seasons

by driftsaway



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 04:15:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15941597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/driftsaway/pseuds/driftsaway
Summary: mark and yukhei as the seasons come and go.





	four seasons

i. spring (infatuation)

 

yukhei held mark’s hands all throughout the time it took for the flowers to come into full bloom. when the flower buds still shied away from the gentle sunlight brought about by the quiet beginnings of chilly mornings, he took the other’s in his own without question, casting away all of his doubts and feelings of hesitation that had haunted him ceaselessly and kept him awake during the more ungodly times of night, on multiple occasions, all in a moment of vaguely careful recklessness.

 

at first, mark was just as timid as the buds, too; he liked him just as much, possibly even more, if not loved him (to be completely honest, he was too afraid to use the word love; he thought he would end up jinxing it somehow, and he’d be left with no choice but to knock on wood a thousand times to save himself from any curses), but it was something all too new to him, the concept of loving another and receiving the same love in return (he briefly forgot the word for it — _ re… what? reciprocation… _ ) put into practice; he was too careful, too afraid of making mistakes, too afraid of hurting the person he cared about the most, his best friend; no one else in the world mattered this much to him. little by little, though, he worked up the courage, and he gradually began to open up his heart to the other boy, as petals do when the warmth of a distant star, yet the closest one, beckons to them with its sweet promise of home, and indeed, he had found a home in the boy he offered his being to.

 

yukhei had made himself to believe that letting go of the boy’s fingers would incite a feeling akin to falling down a rabbit hole, just like in the books, except endlessly, for the rest of eternity and beyond. that was how much mark meant to him, in his pure, innocently earnest, childlike eyes. 

 

“mark,” yukhei blurted out. mark had consequently looked up in surprise.

  
“do you think...do you think we’ll be together...for as long as possible?” yukhei asked, curiosity with a hint of anxiety coloring his voice. “wait — that came out a bit weird, didn’t it? i would have said ‘forever’ instead, but that would have been way too cliché, and i don’t believe such a thing exists, anyways.”

 

“of course. i won’t allow anything to happen to this —to us,” mark had replied earnestly, and kissed the other boy’s knuckles to reassure him. yukhei’s heart had never felt more at peace.

 

ii. summer (resolute)

 

yukhei drives mark around the city on a sunday afternoon. previously, the other boy had pleaded to him to put down the hood, and yukhei obliged, of course; he had no reason to turn his request down, anyways. the soft orange light of the belated sun washes over them comfortingly as they make their way down the empty streets. yukhei is steering the wheel with only one hand while he holds mark’s hand with his other one.

 

“isn’t this dangerous, yukhei?” mark begins, not without humor. “i have two hands, you know,” yukhei replies, matter-of-factly, and they both consequently burst into fits of laughter, revelling in the heat of each other’s smiles. _this is exactly what love is supposed to be like_ , yukhei thinks to himself, contentment enveloping his being.

 

iii. fall (disintegration)

 

yukhei stops being childish. he realizes that he cannot stay by mark’s side always, and that it would just be plain unrealistic if he tries to. 

 

“i just want what’s best for you! what’s so difficult to understand about that?” yukhei screams. he had told himself he would keep everything under control, but that same everything was already crumbling into a million particles in his very palms and escaping the grasps of his fingers; anyone could see that retrieving them was undoubtedly an impossible task. something he does not even dare to name, out of fear, begins to fall apart before his very eyes.

 

“...you’re wrong. you only think it’s what’s best for me, when in reality, it’s really only what’s best for you. this whole time, you’ve only ever thought about yourself and what was ever good for you. i don’t even feel like i’m a person to you anymore. i can’t take this anymore,” mark counters coldly, although the rage his eyes contain is hot enough to scald anyone on the receiving end of his gaze.

 

a door slams, then complete silence follows. yukhei is left alone with only his thoughts and the aftereffects of the series of events that had just transpired to keep him company. 

 

iv. winter (end)

 

these are yukhei’s predictions: that very night, the unforgiving midnight air will pierce his skin through all four layers of clothing he will have on, as if the warmth these were supposed to provide will have gone practically void. the waning crescent moon will personally witness his downfall and something like the end of the world (not the end of the entire world, of course, only his own). some tears will be shed in front of another. a lot of tears will be shed in the ‘comfort’ of his own home ( _ home? is it really still home if the person who makes it actually feel like home isn’t there? _ ) the awful taste of bitter goodbyes will linger in his mouth for five more days. or six. maybe even a year. time refuses to let itself exist when you’re on the brink of losing something for a long time, and when you finally get pushed over the edge and fall endlessly as you had predicted would happen one way or another from the very beginning, the feeling is completely surreal.

 

unresolved tension will occupy the space next to him on his bed instead of the love of his life for an indefinite amount of time (not a big amount, he hopes). it will haunt him not only when he grapples with insomnia and begs for sleep to take him nice and easy, but every part of his day, when he goes to the convenience store every now and then to buy only cup noodles, the only thing he knows how to cook, when he begrudgingly brushes his teeth in the morning ( _ god, what’s the point of this _ , he will think to himself,  _ i might as well contract cavities on each of my molars... _ ), and the rest of the mundane activities that make up his daily life.

 

he will believe that nothing will ever be the same for him, like he had always believed it would all play out in the end, ever since time began and the universe came into existence.

**Author's Note:**

> uhh this is my first time writing and posting a serious fic so i'd really appreciate feedback :p if there's anything you think i should work on please let me know!!!!


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